There is something wrong here. Giant octopuses guarding ships which may contain treasure don't live in a river. Why does Mario look like he's covered in poop in the first cutscene? How can he not know how to spell "koopa" when he's faced OVER NINE THOUSAAAND!!!!!!! of them in the past? Why is Bowser not even seen in his own castle? And one more thing... Why would Mario need YOUR help to get the 3 pieces of a magical typewriter which will blow up Bowser's castle for no apparent reason by becoming a great typist, if 2 of the pieces are right in front of him and the last is in a slow-flowing stream right in front of him where he could just get that piece right in front of him but instead decides to wait until the piece drifts down near said octopus? You'll be wondering these questions and more if you play this game.
Story: WEEIRD
...You seriously want to know? Okay. The story begins when Mario and Luigi are walking to Peach's castle. They come across Bowser's castle (which has hills with mouths and eyes that spit out letters behind it) and find a typewriter. For no reason, it says "DESTROY TE CASSLE O' BOWSAH!" (not really) and Mario decides to type in the magical message, even though he has a level of illiteracy high enough that nobody but YOU can cure. The typewriter blows up into 3 pieces. Mario could have just left Bowser and his poor Koopa Troopas alone. But noooo. He has to become a great typist, collect all 3 pieces of the typewriter and nearly kill Bowser by blowing up his castle. AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE YOU OFFERED TO HELP MARIO!
Art: WEEERDER
This section of my review will be shorter, but will say more. 0_0 says Mario's face when the typewriter blows up, even when the typewriter said it would blow up. 0_0 says Mario's face when the typewriter spits out a piece of paper saying,"DESTROY TE CASSLE O' BOWSAH!1!!!11!!". And :) says MARIO's head.
The Disembodied Head of Mario: Demented, 1-upping, peppy, creepy, etc.
Inbetween each cutscene, Mario's Head will be saying... Well... I won't review because you could already guess what I was thinking if you read these quotes:
"Can I sing a song for you?"
"...And 3! Weee....."
"Thank you for starting me up!"
"Imma bet you can't do this! Weeee....."
"That-a makes me so happy, I'm-a light headed! Weeee!"
"IIIIIII AIN'T GOT NO BODY!!!!!!!!!!"
"Heeheehee. Heeeheeeheeeheehee. Weee! Haha." (How many times does he say "Weee"?)
"That was Grey!"
"That is my impression of American advertising!"
"Hey, Luigi! It's-a time for you to (die)!"
"When I kiss the princess...."
"Watch out for phalling rocks!"
"Oh, look! It's-a Mario's Expert Express!"
"When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, that's amore (a morray)... Get it? A morray eel? Heeheeheeheehee.... I say the funnie."
"If you ready, GO for it!"
"Welcome to the outside world!"
"You'll be typing WHOLE WORDS now!"
"I wonder if there's a hidden treasure down there!"
"Boy, look at that keyboard. I bet you're going to type on it! Heeheehee!"
"Hmm! Oh. Nice computer you've got there. Can I have it?
"Hmm! You have a nice place-a here!"
"Mario's Smash and-a Dash!"
"Hey, anyone got a diving board?"
"Hey, who's that behind you? Made you look, made you look, heeheeheeheehee!"
"Oh, boy! Finally, I'm-a get to move on the ground! Movin' on the ground, movin' on the ground...Heeheeheeheehee."
"Hey, don't leave me all alone! Hey! Where is everybody? COME BACK!"
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I could put WAY more quotes, but I think you've got the picture. I give this game a high rating. You know why? 'Cause III AIN'T GOT NO BODY (well, actually because we all love/hate him.)!
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